in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm both gender and math confused
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
