so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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