Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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