he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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