o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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