I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
