when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
