I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
