let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need moral support for this bender
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
