Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How naked do you want me to be?
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