Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
