It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
