Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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