Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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