What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
