She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
