i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
