Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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