pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
