I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
