He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
