How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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