I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
