I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
