Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We left the knife in your bed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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