hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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