Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
