So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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