I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
