dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
