I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
