i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
