So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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