were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
