we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
