If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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