his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
