If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
