ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
organizing the empties. That sober.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
