Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
