I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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