I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
