can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
