i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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