Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
