Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
