You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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