I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
