I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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