If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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