just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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