porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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