Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
