Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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