why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
