it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
