so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
