I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
