dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
