Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
