im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize