you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
